Dr. Kari Much, Director, MSU Counseling Center karen.much@mnsu.edu
Your student is returning home for the holidays! Now that your not-so-new college student has been gone for a couple of months, you have missed them and are eagerly awaiting their return. You are looking forward to spending some quality time with your student, hearing all about how college is going, how well they are doing in their classes, and learning about the new friends they have made.
While your student might be at the top of your priority list this holiday season, your son or daughter might have slightly different priorities. Instead of deep one-on-one chats with you, your student will likely be far more interested in spending profuse amounts of time reconnecting with high school friends, asking for money to hang out, staying up late, sleeping in a lot, and instant messaging their friends. In more drastic cases, some students may have their cell phones surgically attached to their face. In addition, your son or daughter may not be as open to talking about college as you had hoped, and may only offer a few general comments instead of giving you every detail of what their college experience has been like.
If that weren't enough, you have one more thing going against you: rules. Your son or daughter has been living in an environment now for several months in which there are no curfews, no picking up after oneself, no chores, and no consequences for abundant use of four-letter words — and now that your college student has successfully figured out how to live in, and likely enjoy their new environment, coming back to "family rules" will not be something they are looking forward to (and may not expect to have to adhere to). Additionally, many college students equate going home with relaxing, and you may find that your previously responsible son or daughter now expects maid service, home-cooked meals, and round-the-clock transportation without so much as a "thank you."
In the event that your son or daughter returns home eager to spend time with you and you catch them doing the laundry for the entire family, pitching in to help with dishes, meal preparation, and cleaning the house without being asked, volunteering to walk the dog, and asking for a 10:00 curfew, consider yourself extremely lucky. For the rest of you, consider initiating a conversation about your expectations as well as your student's expectations before he or she returns home. Discussing collaboratively in advance issues like who will do your student's laundry, how many meals a day your student is expected to eat at home, whether or not your student will be helping out with chores, and what qualifies as a reasonable time to come home at night will help you and your student enjoy your time together (well, the little time you will be allotted) rather than fighting about it.
Keep in mind that your son or daughter has likely changed since they lived with you last. Although your life has resumed as usual, your student has not only adapted to a new environment, but is also going through many age-appropriate developmental changes as well. Some parents feel like the student who arrives home for break is nothing like the student they sent off to college a few months ago. Instead of relating to your son or daughter like you would have back in August, give your student some space and acceptance to be their "new" self, whether that is physical changes, personality changes, preference changes, or all three.
Even though you are probably not going to be a top priority for your student over break, make sure you schedule time to do something together. A common complaint we hear from students is that their break went by too fast and they did not end up spending any time with their families. Encourage your student to talk with you about what kinds of family things they would like to do while they are home. Make plans to do something you both enjoy, such as eating at a favorite restaurant, having a movie night, shopping, bowling, taking a hike, family game night, etc., even if your attempts are met with rolling eyes and a nonchalant "whatever" or disinterested "lame." Don't make the mistake of assuming what your student likes, as what use to be their favorite things in August may have changed.
The first extended break home from college can be the hardest one for parents and students alike; if you find yourself feeling like you can't wait for your student to return to school, you are not alone! Take heart in knowing that your student will not return for another extended break until May; by then, you and your student will have had plenty of opportunities to work out what did not go as planned this holiday season.
Pauline Genter, MS, RD, MSU Student Health Services/Health Education pauline.genter@mnsu.edu
You've heard the ominous prediction — all freshmen will pack on a hefty 15 pounds during their first year of school. But is it true???
Several recent research studies conducted on campuses around the country found that not all first-year college students gain weight and, for those who do, the average weight gain is about 4 to 6 pounds during their first semester. In fact, about 1/3 of the students in the studies lost weight during the first 12 weeks of classes.
Why do students gain? The researchers found that stress, too much choice (also known as the "cafeteria diet"); late-night munching, too little sleep and too little physical activity all contribute to weight gain.
A 4 to 6 pound weight gain is not that big of a deal. But if the trend continues over the college years your student may be at risk for developing health problems such as diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease and cancer in the near future. Here are a few strategies to encourage your MSU student to follow to help them stay healthy & energized:
Mary Dowd, Director of Student Rights and Responsibilities (and mother of two college students) mary.dowd@mnsu.edu
Long before entering college, your student was probably communicating with friends through email, text messages and instant messenger. Similarly, your student may already be familiar with online social networking sites that are enormously popular among today's college students. While such sites can be a positive way for students to connect with one another, there are many inherent dangers and risks that warrant a family conversation.
Facebook.com is one of the better known sites. Started by Harvard sophomores in 2004, Facebook.com is now used by approximately 85% of college students on a regular basis. With an .edu email account, students create profile pages listing interests, hobbies, friends, musical tastes, favorite quotes, political views, and courses. Users can also form special interest groups, announce social events, and leave messages for one another. Other well known sites include MySpace.com, xanga.com, livejournal.com, and friendster.com.
Another up and coming online site to watch is YouTube.com which was founded in 2005. YouTube.com allows users to upload and share video clips. With digital cameras and cell phones, almost anything can easily be recorded and displayed instantly around the world. Google, Inc. purchased YouTube.com for $1.65 billion in Google stock in October 2006 which is predicted to bolster YouTube's popularity exponentially.
Students are understandably fascinated by the power of technology and enjoy creating profiles with personal information. When doing so, students would do well to remember that the world wide web is public domain. It is important to consider one's potential audience. Some students seemingly give little consideration to the long term repercussions of posting material that is shocking, disturbing, tasteless, and damaging to the reputation of the student, the student's family, and their school.
Students mistakenly assume a level of privacy and safety that is simply not there. Police officers refer to social networking sites as a "stalker's paradise." Predators can set parameters to search for potential targets by gender, age, ethnicity, location and other characteristics. In addition to stalking, students put themselves at risk for identity theft and burglary when they post such details as their address, class schedule, work hours, age, birth date, hometown, and daily routine. Social security numbers, Tech IDs and cell phone numbers should never be listed on a web site.
Professors find it distracting and disrespectful when students are checking their Facebook messages on laptops instead of participating in class discussion. Residential Life staff report that some students spend more time online than socializing with peers and getting involved in campus life. Employers screen out job applicants who demonstrate poor judgment by posting immature, irresponsible and inappropriate material on their profiles. A student who boasts about raucous house parties and marijuana use is not likely to be viewed as an ideal candidate for a management trainee position.
Postings on social networking sites can result in disciplinary action under the student conduct code known as the "Statement of Student Responsibilities" which reads:
"Students are encouraged to become actively engaged in the University community. Social networking websites, e.g. Facebook, MySpace and Xanga provide additional means for students to connect with one another. Communication on these sites is considered a public forum and can be viewed by anyone...While the University does not monitor such sites, suspected violations of law or University policy posted online may be submitted to campus officials and police for investigation and use as evidence in a disciplinary hearing."
Student-athletes, students on scholarship, student staff, and other high profile student leaders need to be particularly cognizant of how incriminating online photos can result in disciplinary action, forfeiture of a scholarship, and loss of their position within the University. Serious infractions can result in suspension or expulsion. All suspected criminal activity known to University officials is reported to law enforcement. Convictions can lead to sizable fines, a criminal record and a prison sentence. Poor choices in college can have life altering consequences.
Parents may be inclined to advise their student to stay away from social networking sites altogether. Although that is an understandable reaction, a more realistic approach may be a word of caution recognizing that an estimated 85% of students register on these sites. The following talking points are recommended when having a family discussion about basic safety precautions and responsible use.
Parry Telander, Graduate Student, Office of First Year Experience parry.telander@mnsu.edu
As the semester winds down, your student might be thinking about making plans for winter break. You may want to ask yourself, "Are they spending too much time worrying about coming home, and not enough on 'finals week'?" Have they taken the steps to prepare for finals? One of the many lessons students may learn while attending college is that a college exam is different from a high school exam. The same is true for a college final exam. Preparing for a college final exam can be challenging and should not be taken lightly. We at the Office of First Year Experience understand the challenges of "finals week," and we encourage you to talk with your student about their plans for studying. We offer some helpful tips for students to follow as they prepare for final exams.
It is important to understand that how you treat your body can affect how it performs on any exam. Some recommended tips include:
By designing a study plan, your student will be more organized and will be able to more effectively process the tasks in preparing for a final exam. Here are some helpful tips in designing a study plan:
Here are some basic tips to consider as your student studies for finals:
To mentally prepare for finals, it is helpful to approach "finals week" with a positive attitude and optimism. Don't let your student's brain get bogged down with negative thoughts. By staying confident and positive, "finals week" can be a less stressful and challenging time.
Parry Telander, Graduate Student, Office of First Year Experience parry.telander@mnsu.edu
With the rigors of coursework and the adjustment of living on their own, the first semester of college can often be quite challenging for your son or daughter. As classes wind down and your student begins to prepare for finals, have you sensed a nervous or anxious feeling in your son or daughter's voice from your most recent conversation? Throughout the semester and as students approach the home stretch they might feel tired or homesick, and might need a pick-me-up to finish off the semester strong. One of the ways to show support and encouragement through a challenging time at college is through a care package. Sending a care package shows your student that someone is thinking of them by bringing them the comforts of home to college.
Some care package ideas can be geared towards particular themes such as "Finals Weeks," "Valentine's Day," or "Birthday Celebration," but the best advice for creating a care package is to cater it to the likes of your student. Below is a list of ideas for a general care package.
Each care package is unique to the individual and gives special meaning for that person. So remember, when designing a care package for your student, think about the things that will make them happy and give them that pick-me-up they need to get through the end of the semester, and do well on their final exams.
If you do not have time to put together your own care package for your son or daughter, the Residence Hall Association at Minnesota State Mankato sponsors the Final Exams Service Program, which gives you a convenient way to support your student and many campus activities. If you have not received a mailing regarding the Final Exams Service, you can download a printable version of an [PDF] order form (51 KiB).
Mary Dowd, Director of Student Rights and Responsibilities (and mother of two college students) mary.dowd@mnsu.edu
Along with credit card offers and magazine solicitations, students can soon expect to be inundated with off-campus housing promotions for the following academic year. While it's not a bad idea to start thinking ahead, students don't need to rush into anything. Please realize that over the past few years the housing situation in Mankato has changed; there is an abundance of off-campus housing and there is no need to move fast. In fact, signing a lease in haste may prove to be a big mistake.
When weighing housing options, there are many factors to consider such as cost, convenience, safety, and the availability of desired amenities. Developing a budget is a good starting point. Help your student figure out how much he or she can afford after tuition, fees and books. Living off campus will likely require an application fee, security deposit, hook-up charges, dishes and furniture. Along with monthly rent, there are often added costs for heat, electricity, water and sewer, refuse, phone, cable TV, and Ethernet. Other living expenses may include cell phone bills, credit card payments, groceries, clothing, car repairs, car payments, insurance, veterinarian bills, household supplies, entertainment and incidentals. Most rentals require a twelve month lease and sub-leasers over the summer can be very difficult to find.
Family members can assist in the decision-making process by giving students a realistic picture of off-campus living. Along with the freedom of having one's own place comes adult responsibility. Even mature, hard-working students find it challenging to balance school work, jobs, and co-curricular activities with cooking, yard work, recycling, taking out the trash, home maintenance, cleaning, pet care, and laundry. Then there are the unforeseen headaches of malfunctioning appliances, leaky pipes, backed up sewers, faulty electrical wiring, defective smoke detectors, flimsy locks, frigid rooms, bats, bugs, and rodents. Don't assume newly constructed homes and apartments are problem-free either. Ask current and former tenants about security, parking, snow removal, and the timeliness of repairs.
Another point to consider is the impact of college students in established neighborhoods. Before renting or buying a house in Mankato for your student, it is imperative to educate yourself about City of Mankato zoning laws and nuisance ordinance. Active neighborhood associations diligently monitor rental properties in the interest of neighborhood preservation and livability. A "three strike" policy is strictly enforced resulting in temporary or permanent revocation of rental licenses. In other words, your student will be well on his way to eviction if he or his roommates throw a party, play music too loud, let the dog bark, forget to cut the grass or shovel the snow, and block the neighbor's driveway during seasonal parking. Further, zoning laws limit the occupancy of many properties to two unrelated individuals, regardless of the number of bedrooms in the dwelling. Violations of zoning and nuisance laws can result in tenants and property owners being prosecuted and fined by the City Attorney. Having a criminal record could be detrimental to a young person launching a career. Certain off-campus behaviors are also subject to campus disciplinary sanctions.
Fortunately, there are many available housing alternatives designed with Minnesota State students in mind. Along with convenience at a reasonable cost, Residential Life provides a variety of social and educational programs in addition to room and board. Accurate and timely academic information is readily available to residents. Residential Life also encourages citizenship, wellness, and positive engagement in life outside the classroom. Several privately owned apartment complexes are within close walking distance of the University. The Off-Campus Housing Office will be sponsoring three Housing Fairs in the upcoming months to assist students in planning for next year. Housing Fairs will be held between 10:00 a.m. and 2:00 p.m. in the Centennial Student Union, first floor on Monday, January 29, 2007 and Thursday, March 1, 2007.
Along with deciding where to live, much thought should be given to roommate selection, especially if tenants don't have the option of signing individual leases. Students need to understand that getting out of a lease can be extremely difficult and costly. A roommate with sharply contrasting values, lifestyle preferences, habits, priorities, goals, and personality traits can be a source of chronic friction. Strongly recommend that your student take time to get to know potential roommates before committing to a lease.
A family discussion can be of great benefit to a student unfamiliar with leases and the challenges of transitioning to off-campus housing. Encourage your student to visit the Off-Campus Housing Office, Centennial Student Union, Room 173 507-389-6076 or visit the housing website. Students with questions about the terms of a rental agreement may seek free consultation with the Students' Attorney contracted by the Minnesota State Student Association, Centennial Student Union, Room 280 507-389-2611. For information on zoning and rental license requirements, contact the City of Mankato 507-387-8626 or Neighborhood Support Officer, Christopher Boyce 507-387-8722 with the Mankato Department of Public Safety.
Anonymous, College Parents of America
'Twas the week after Christmas, when all through the house
Not a student home from college was stirring, not a laptop nor mouse;
The dirty clothing was flung in the mudroom with care,
In hopes that Mom, the laundress, soon would be there;
The younger siblings were nestled all snug in their beds,
Visions of the coming college years danced in their heads;
And Mom with her to-do list, and Dad with his map,
Were bound to wake the household from a long winter's nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
The whole family had to ask: what now is the matter?
Away to the windows they flew very quickly,
Even Grandma upstairs who was very sickly.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to all wondering eyes should appear,
An old friend from high school they hadn't seen in a year;
With spiked hair and new jewelry, in his ears and his nose,
And fabric on his body that appeared to be clothes.
More rapid than eagles his comments they came,
He whistled and shouted, and called the whole family by name.
"Now Jason! Now, Ashley! Now, Connor and Jay!
I thought all about you while I've been away.
To the top of the list, all of you went,
As I thought about high school and all that you meant.
As dry leaves piled in my backyard did fly,
I did not want to rake them, so I looked at the sky;
I watched for some time the moon and the sun,
It made me think of all of you, each and every one.
And so I thought that I'd come to say hey
To ask if we could meet for coffee one day?
I've got some new friends in college, they're from everywhere,
But my old friends here at home...well, nothing compares."
"Sure, I'd like that," the new old friend replied with good cheer,
And added, "I know what you mean about the people from here."
Now as the parents were watching this conversation unfold,
It made them feel pretty good, if the truth can be told.
For as proud as they were that their child could roam,
It made them very happy when their child came home.
So they winked and they nodded and they returned to their room,
And they decided to hold off on lowering the boom.
The cleaning, the shopping, the oil change could wait,
A child renewing an old friendship, well that was first-rate.
Now if you can relate to this story I've told,
Then somebody made you a good parent, and then broke the mold.
Of course, you could try to control winter break,
But I'd think you'd soon realize that was a big, big mistake.
So let your college student sleep in and feed him/her a lot.
A warm bed and good food, that's about all the leverage you've got.
Your friends might disagree, and put their child to work,
And their houses might be cleaner, but their kids probably think they're a jerk.
So lay aside the things you must do,
And try a museum, or maybe the zoo.
Now you may want to have some time to just talk,
And if you do the above, your child is less prone to balk.
Because the goal in the end not to get sappy
Is to send the kids back to school rested and happy.
Along with heart-felt poems like these, College Parents of America also provides articles and other resources that address issues that college parents face throughout their student's years at college.
| November 22, 2006 | No Evening Classes |
| November 23-25, 2006 | No classes for Thanksgiving holiday |
| December 1, 2006 | Deadline for Official Withdrawal of All Full Term Classes |
| December 9, 2006 | Final Examinations for Saturday Classes |
| December 11-15, 2006 | Final Examinations |
| January 16, 2007 | First Day of Spring Term 2007 Classes |
Comments and questions about the Family Connection Newsletter can be directed to Office of First Year Experience via e-mail at familyconnection@mnsu.edu.
