Responses of survivors of an assault or attempted assault will vary from individual to individual. Some are very calm, and others are visibly distraught. Responses are also affected by previous history, as well as race, gender, ability, sexual orientation, and other aspects of the person's life. Sexual assault can be extremely traumatic and life-changing. It's important to remember that your responses are not crazy; they are normal reactions to a crazy situation.
There are a variety of ways to help the healing process. Acknowledge, rather than judge, your own emotional reactions and how they affect your life and your relationships with other people. It is important to try to identify people and spaces where you can begin to feel safe talking about your responses. Counseling services are also important resources. MSU Counseling Center provides free counseling to students The Blue Earth County Sexual Violence Resource Center can also provide community resource referrals. Call the 24-Hour Safe Line at 800-630-1425 or 507-304-4295.
Survivors in the healing process do not follow specific patterns of behavior or healing, but here are some common responses that survivors may feel:
The assailant stepped into your life and took control. You did not have a choice and did what you needed to do to survive. You may feel unsure and temporarily lack your normal self-confidence. Decisions that were made routinely before now may feel monumental. You may feel that the assailant has taken away all your control and your normal life, leaving you feeling used, dirty, or bad.
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These can begin shortly after the attack and may continue for a long period of time. Nightmares can replay the assault, or they can replay feelings of being chased or other nightmares. You may feel that you are losing it and that you should be over it by now.
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You may experience a variety of sexual concerns after an assault. You may want no physical or sexual contact. You may need intimacy, like nurturing, holding, etc. You may experience some confusion about separating sex from sexual violence, particularly sexual acts with your significant other that may provoke flashbacks of the attack. You may experience confusion about the way you used to feel about sex and how you do now.
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Many survivors feel guilty and ashamed about the assault. You may question that you somehow may have provoked or asked for it, or that you should have known what was going to happen, or that you shouldn't have trusted the assailant, or that you should have somehow prevented the assault. Some of these are the result of society's myths about rape and sexuality. You may know what society believes and worry about what others may think of you. Sometimes blaming yourself helps you feel less helpless. Victim-blaming is prevalent for many reasons; one reason is that if someone can pinpoint what they think "brought on" the attack, they believe that all they need to do is avoid those behaviors to keep safe. Realistically, the only person who can prevent a rape is the rapist.
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Anger is an appropriate, healthy response to sexual violence. It usually means you are healing and have begun to look at the assailant's responsibility for the assault. People vary greatly in how readily they feel and express anger. It may especially be difficult to express anger if you have been taught that being angry is not okay. Anger needs to be vented, but in appropriate ways. You may also turn your anger inward, which would be recognized as sadness, pain, or depression.
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